


Shot of Espresso (To The Heart)

by Marauder_Girl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Barista AU, Buddie Big Bang 2020, But only slight angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other 911 characters mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24915430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marauder_Girl/pseuds/Marauder_Girl
Summary: After a car accident, Buck is living with his parents, working as a barista and figuring out his life. Enter Eddie Diaz, an attractive firefighter with an adorable son. Unfortunately, their relationship is not quite as easy as saying, "I love you a latte"...
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 221
Collections: Buddie Big Bang 2020





	Shot of Espresso (To The Heart)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2020 Buddie Big Bang!  
> This is, perhaps, the longest thing I've ever written, and I'm already working on a part 2...whoops? Enjoy this AU born out of being stuck in a coffeeshop for 50 hours a week. 
> 
> Warning: slight homophobia from a side character
> 
> [Art](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621923751764869120/shot-of-espresso-to-the-heart-by-marauder-girl) by the lovely, tabbytabbytabby, who brought my visions to life!

The clock ticked over to 4 AM, and Buck’s alarm started to blare startling the 24-year-old from his restless sleep. Sighing, he hit the off button, rubbing his hands over his face before dragging himself out of bed to get ready. Working this early in the morning should be a crime he mused, as he split is face with a huge yawn. He stretched, scratching his stomach as he went to go brush his teeth and run a comb through his unruly hair. As he was finishing, he heard the front door creak open and then shut, meaning his dad was home from his own shift. Perking up slightly, he hurriedly pulled on his uniform shirt and pants, grabbing socks as he left his room and headed down the stairs. Sure enough, his dad was sitting at the kitchen table, reading through something on his phone.

“Morning.” Buck said quietly as he sat down to put on his socks and shoes.

“Morning Buck.” His adoptive father said back, smiling slightly. “You work the morning shift today?”

“Mhmm. 5 to 2 today.”

“That’s longer than usual, isn’t it?” Bobby asked, handing Buck an apple from the bowl on the table after his shoes were on his feet.

“It is, but Melissa called in with the flu yesterday so I’m covering her 10 to 2 shift.” He shrugged, taking a bite out of the fruit. “It’s fine, I need something to do.”

Bobby fixed Buck with a look from over his phone. “That’s nice of you Buck, but don’t push yourself too hard. You’re still recovering.”

Buck playfully rolled his eyes. “Yes dad, I know. I promise to not over-exert myself.”

“Good.” Bobby nodded approvingly. “Now breakfast?”

“Nah, I’ll eat at work.” answered Buck, grabbing his apron hanging by the door, and his wallet off the table.

“Water bottle?”

“Dad…” Buck groaned. “I’m gonna be late at this rate.”

“It takes longer to argue with me about the water bottle than to just take it son.” Bobby said, tossing him a bottle from the fridge. “You know your treatment plan said you had to stay hydrated.”

“But –”

“Coffee doesn’t count!” Bobby finished, acting as if Buck hadn’t interrupted him. 

Buck conceded with an easy smile and shake of his head. “Yeah okay, okay.”

“Good, now get going.”

Buck shot his dad another smile before he bounded out the door, unlocking his Jeep and sliding into the seat. The one perk about working this early was the lack of traffic, turning a normal thirty-minute commute into an easy ten-minute drive. He was thankful one of his managers Grace, was working this morning, hoping it would be an easy day and his shift would fly by.

\-------

Two hours later, Buck yawned as he stood at the register, watching the clock finally tick over to 7. It was still too early for the pre-work rush, and all of their early morning regulars had already come in for their first caffeine of the day. He turned, changing out the coffee for the next brewing cycle when he heard someone approach the register. “Just a second!” he called out, pushing the last brewer into place. “Sorry about that! How can I help you – oh!” Buck turned back around to find the most beautiful man living in LA standing out his counter. Fluffy black hair, a kind smile and muscles to drool over had Buck all but melting into a puddle on the floor. “Uh…sorry! What, um, what can I get for you?”

“Not sure…” the handsome stranger replied, looking over the menu boards. “I have a 24-hour shift coming up and desperately need caffeine but it’s too damn hot for regular coffee.” Buck nodded along, squinting his eyes as the man in front of him.

“Would you like a recommendation?”

A blinding smile lit up over the man’s face, making him look even more stunning to Buck, the happiness on his face accentuating his model-like features. “That would be awesome, thank you!”

“Well personally I think you could go one of two ways…” Buck bit his lip as he looked at the other man. “If you want something only iced, I’d recommend a Cold Brew coffee since it _is_ cold and way stronger than a regular hot cup of coffee. If you wanted something a bit more adventurous, my personal specialty is the Mocha Frappuccino with espresso shots. It’s cool and refreshing and has a ton of caffeine in it.”

The man winked at Buck, shifting slightly where he stood. “Well if it’s your specialty, I’ll go with that one!”

“Great! That’ll be $5.25 please.” Buck stated, grabbing a cup from the cart next to him. “Could I have a name for your order?”

“Oh sorry! It’s Eddie.” 

“Thanks Eddie!” Buck chirped cheerfully, setting the cup down, and glancing at his manager who was watching their entire interaction with interest. “Hey Grace, I think I heard the milk delivery in the back. Do you want to go check for it?” he asked, glancing subtly at Eddie.

“Sure…” Grace said slowly, looking between Buck and Eddie. “I’ll just…be in the back…putting away the milk…”

“Thanks.” Buck replied, waiting until she had gone through the swinging door that led to the backroom before picking up Eddie’s cup, and queueing the shots. “So…24-hour shift?” He asked Eddie, glancing at the man on the other side of the counter. “Are you some kind of hot doctor?”

Eddie barked out a laugh, throwing his head back and smiling in a way that had Buck’s knees feeling a little weak. “No, no nothing like that. I’m a firefighter.”

“Really?” Buck asked almost incredulously.

“Really.” assured Eddie, still smiling at the barista. “It’s actually my first day at the station here. My son and I just moved from Texas.”

“You’re from Texas and you think it’s too hot _here_?” asked Buck without thinking. “Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to – um –”

“Relax. You’re not wrong.” He chuckled, before giving Buck an appraising look. “But the heat in California just hits a little different.”

Buck could feel himself blushing, his cheeks flaming at the blatant flirting the firefighter was dishing out. “I bet!” He finally replied, wincing at how lame that sounded in comparison to the other man’s flirting. “Um, so here’s your drink! Good luck with your shift!”

“Thanks…what was your name again?” Eddie asked, taking the cup from Buck, their fingers almost brushing. Buck bit his lip again, tapping on the name tag clipped to the top of his apron.

“Buck.”

“Well thank you Buck for making my first day a little less miserable.” He raised the drink in salute before backing out the door, throwing one last smile Buck’s way before he was out of sight. Buck watched him get in a large truck before sighing empathetically and bringing his head down to the counter. A totally hot firefighter? The world had to be mocking him.

“You alive out here?” Grace called out, coming back up front, bringing Buck his drive thru headset.

“Barely.” He replied dryly, rinsing out the pitcher. “That was the most embarrassing thing to happen to me since the 7thgrade.”

“Ah c’mon Buckaroo. Can’t be all bad!”

Buck thought of the firefighter’s – Eddie’s – smile and felt his cheeks burn again. “Yeah. Not all bad.” 

\-----

Three weeks later, Buck tapped on the steering wheel to his Jeep, patiently waiting in the line of cars at his stepbrother’s elementary school. Both Bobby and Athena were on shift today, and while May usually picked up Harry, she had had plans with friends, leaving Buck to fight the pick-up line traffic. He didn’t mind much in all honesty; he loved spending time with his younger brother, especially now that he was almost back to full strength.

Sighing, he parked his Jeep, walking to where parents were milling around by the front doors. Pulling out his phone to play with while he waited the five minutes before the bell went off, his mind drifted to the hot firefighter who had come into the coffeeshop twice more in the last three weeks. Eddie’s smile had stayed brilliant every visit, even though Buck could tell he was exhausted. He had even let Buck create some more concoctions for him, although this last visit he had also gotten drinks for some of coworkers, laughing when Buck made fun of their orders. He smiled thinking about it, smiling wider when he saw Harry running towards him.

“Buck! Buck!” Harry yelled out, skidding to a stop in front of him. “You’re here today!”

“I am!” Buck said laughing at Harry’s excitement. “You ready to hit the road?”

“Yeah – wait! I forgot to say goodbye to Chris!” Harry turned to run off again, pausing to look back at Buck. “You should come meet him! He’s awesome!” Buck shrugged and followed his brother to a slightly smaller boy wearing crutches, smiling when he looked up at him. “Chris, this is my big brother Buck! Buck, this is Chris! He’s two years younger than me, but he’s super smart! His dad’s a firefighter just like Bobby!”

“Hi!” Chris said, giggling a little when Buck knelt down to his height. “I’m Christopher. Is your name really Buck? That’s a funny name!” 

Buck pulled a face at the 8-year-old, laughing when Chris made one back. “It’s a nickname little man! My actual name is Evan, but everyone calls me Buck! Do you have a nickname?”

“Sometimes my dad calls me superman!”

“Well that’s a way better nickname, don’t you think?” Chris nodded vigorously, giggling again when Harry agreed with him.

“Christopher!” An older black woman stood a few feet away, smiling at the trio. “C’mon, you don’t want to be late to your abuela’s do you?”

“No Carla! I’m coming!” Chris called back, taking a step towards her before turning and waving goodbye to both Harry and Buck. “Bye Harry! Bye Buck!”

Buck watched him for a second, a fierce wave of protectiveness rushing through him even though he had just met the kid. Shaking his head, he nudged Harry in the direction of the car. “You ready for that ice cream?” 

\---------

Later that night at family dinner, Buck played with the food on his plate, not really paying attention to the conversation until he heard his name called.

“Buck?” Athena asked him, her gaze questioning. “You okay honey?” Buck nodded quickly, clearing his throat.

“I’m fine, sorry. What did you ask?” He squirmed slightly when he felt his dad’s assessing look hit him from across the table, as Athena repeated her question.

“Just kind of hung around the house. The highlight was getting to hang out with my favorite brother.” He winked at Harry who sitting next to him, sending the younger boy into peals of giggles.

“I’m your only brother!” Harry protested, shoving Buck slightly. “It means I _have_ to be your favorite.”

“Lucky you than!” quipped Buck, laughing as Harry continued to try and push Buck out of his chair.

“Harry!” Athena scolded, her voice stern. “What’s the rule at the table?”

“No rough-housing.” Harry muttered, settling back into his chair. “Sorry mama.” He added quickly, when Athena shot him another look. 

“Bobby? Highlight of your day?” May prompted, saving her younger brother from a harsher scolding.

“Well I’m in the business of disasters, but our newest recruit Diaz had a great save today _and_ complimented my cooking. He’s really fitting in at the 118.”

Buck tried to look interested in what his adoptive dad was saying but he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering as Bobby recounted his day. Hearing about everything that happens at the 118 on a daily basis used to cause Buck a sharp pain, but over time it dulled to a quiet ache. After his accident, and subsequent injury to his leg, he had had to give up his dream of being a firefighter; being told that with the screws still in place it would be nearly impossible to serve as an active duty firefighter. Unfortunately, he was too used to hiding his discomfort when Bobby talked about his day, pushing aside his own feelings in order to hear the happiness and sometimes heartbreak in his dad’s.

“And you know Buck, he’s still new to town and doesn’t hang out with anyone outside the station…I was thinking you guys could get together sometime next week.”

Buck rolled his eyes a little, standing up and bringing his empty plate to the kitchen. “Dad –”

“The boy is 24 years old Bobby; he doesn’t need you making friends _for_ him.”

“Thank you, Athena!” Buck said pointedly, gesturing to his stepmom.

“That being said…” She continued, ushering Harry and May out of the kitchen so they could continue the conversation without interruption. “We can’t help but notice you aren’t really doing anything outside of work. Friends or otherwise.”

“I don’t need friends.” Buck protested, turning to brace himself against the counter and look at his parents. “I have you guys!”

Both Bobby and Athena gave him dry looks, doubting the validity of his statement. “You just had so many friends while you were in school Buck and –”

“Well look how many of them stuck around for the guy in the near fatal car accident! None!”

“Buck, come on –”

“ _Dad,_ I’m fine!”

Bobby gave him a sad look, the exasperation bleeding out of him. “I was fine in Minnesota and look how that turned out.” Buck turned away, shrugging helplessly.

“It’s not the same, I didn’t lose nearly everything.”

“The hell it’s not!” Bobby interrupted, anger rising on behalf of his son. “You _only_ lost your prospective career, your friends, your independence, your –”

“I get it, okay? You don’t have to remind me!” He shook his head and turned away, tears burning behind his eyes that he refused to let fall.

“Buck, you have to face that this accident changed everything for you! You need to move on to your new normal!”

“I don’t want this normal!” Buck burst out, turning back to face his parents. “If this is my life, I don’t want it! I would rather –” He cleared his throat, avoiding the instant worried glances they were throwing his way. “This can’t be all there is to my life after that accident. It was supposed to be a profound moment of change, for something amazing to happen and instead…” He let out a bitter laugh, swiping at his eyes. “Instead I got this.”

“You’re still here Buck.” Bobby said quietly. “You’re still here with us, you’re still fighting. That means something!”

“It means I’m too stubborn to give up Bobby. I wanted to – god I wanted to – but I couldn’t be the one to leave. I can’t.”

“You’re not leaving. Neither are we. We’re in this together Buck.”

Buck finally looked up to meet his parent’s eyes, doubt filling his mind. He knew they meant it in the moment – knew that they wouldn’t intentionally leave him, at least not right now. But time was a cruel mistress to Buck and had proven over and over again how everyone who was supposed to stay, didn’t, whether through their own fault or something else’s. He was tired of feeling alone, of feeling like no one understood him, had his back and yet…he had the oddest feeling something wonderful was about to happen. He just didn’t know what, or when or how.

“All we’re saying Buck,” Athena said, breaking the tension that had risen in the kitchen. “Is that we’re worried. We want to help.”

When he finally answered, his voice was whisper soft. “I don’t know how you can.”

\-----------

Eddie sighed walked into his 12-hour night shift. The only benefit of having the late shift was that he could pick Christopher from school and take him for a treat. He had planned to go to the ice cream shop close to their house, but when driving past the Starbucks he had started to frequent, he had impulsively changed his mind. It wasn’t because of the beautiful blonde that worked behind the counter at all – Eddie simply needed some caffeine to stay awake through his shift, and Christopher loved cake pops.

Easy and effective, all rolled into one. That was Eddie, the master planner. No feelings involved at all.

Of course, the blonde – Buck – wasn’t actually working when they had gone in, much to Eddie’s quiet disappointment. As they had walked in, Eddie had had a sudden image of Buck meeting Christopher and felt a pang go through his chest, cursing the almost child-like crush he had on the other man. It felt too similar to the daydream he had had the other morning waiting for his coffee, picturing Buck leaning across the counter to give him a kiss as he handed off his coffee.

Eddie knew it was foolish to be in love, no not love, he mused, maybe infatuation, with the barista at his local coffee shop. After all, everything with Shannon had taught him that people don’t stick around to deal with him, to put up with his emotional constipation and his compulsive need to be in control. He knew that even if Buck found him remotely attractive, he definitely wasn’t interested in men, and was way too young to want to date someone with an 8-year-old kid and a high-risk job. He knew he was setting himself up for heartbreak each time he asked Buck what he had done the day before, bracing himself each time for Buck to talk about a girlfriend, about their carefree times in the boiling summer sun. Each time however, Eddie was spared the tragic but predictable heartbreak of every rom com ever; Buck only ever answering with thing he had done with family. The only downside to this, was that it buoyed the hope in Eddie’s chest every time, the blonde’s quick smile and bright blue eyes causing the Latino man to melt a little and lose mind.

He wouldn’t mind getting to look into those eyes every day for the rest of his life.

Shaking his head at how introspective and sappy he was being today, Eddie quickly headed into the locker room, throwing his bag down and stripping out of his civvies. Cursing the humidity, he shoved his hair back somewhat aggressively, the dark thick hair seemingly expanding with every movement and sticking to his forehead despite only being outside for a few minutes. Succeeding in taming his hair and buttoning his uniform shirt, he bounded up the stairs, pausing when he only saw Hen and Chimney.

“Where’s Bobby?”

Chim mumbled something through a mouthful of food, grimacing when both Eddie and Hen threw him a disgusted look. Swallowing exaggeratedly, he said, “Family dinner night.”

“That he took a shift off for?”

Chimney shrugged, reaching for more food. “They do it every month, have for a while. That’s all I know.”

Hen shrugged as well when Eddie turned his questioning look to her. “They started it about a year ago when there was an…incident. Been doing it ever since.”

Eddie hummed in understanding, wincing in disgust when Chimney shoved two pieces of gum in his mouth immediately after finishing his meal.

“Man, slow down. You’re acting worse than my 8-year-old.”

“Someone’s grumpy.” He teased. “No lover boy today?”

“No – what?” Eddie asked confused.

“You know, your lover boy.” Chim said, smacking on his gum. “The one who writes on all your cups.”

“What?” asked Eddie again, his brow crinkling further in confusion. Chimney let out a disbelieving laugh, sharing a glance with Hen who shook her head.

“The guy who makes your coffee.” She explained, smiling slightly. “He never writes your name on your cup. It’s always a nickname or something. He’s clearly flirting with you.”

“Wait, how did you know it’s a guy?”

Chim rolled his eyes, sitting down next to his partner. “All of that, and you only take away the gender part.”

“There’s a whole couch Chim!” She protested, elbowing the Asian man in the side. “It’s too hot to be sitting this close to someone unless you’re in love, and I’m taken.” Succeeding in getting Chimney to move a few inches down the couch, she turned back to Eddie. “It’s the handwriting – blocky and all capitals. A woman’s handwriting would traditionally be slightly thinner and flowing.”

“You should ask Bobby’s son, he’s a barista! He might know who it is and if they’re single!”

Eddie snorted, giving them both a dry look. “Right, like I’m going to stoop to asking a 10-year-old for love advice.”

“A 10 – Eddie you know that –” The rest of Hen’s comment was drowned out by the ringing of the bell, all three of them scrambling down the stairs and into the truck for the med call, the conversation soon forgotten in favor of treating someone who had stapled their foot to the floor during a home improvement project.

\---

“Buck! How was your day off?”

Buck shrugged, pulling his apron on over his head. “Uneventful, as per usual. How was it here?”

Melissa smiled slightly, throwing a look Buck’s way. “Well your mystery man came in.”

“Eddie?” asked Buck, perking up at the thought of the handsome firefighter.

“Mhmm. Had a real cute kid with him too.”

“Oh, really?” Buck questioned, intrigued about the idea of Eddie having a son.

“Yep!” Melissa grinned, abandoning the dishes she was working on in the sink in favor of gossiping. “A very polite, very happy little boy. Looks at Eddie like he’s the kid’s personal superhero.”

Buck felt his heart melt a little at that, consciously trying to school his features so his coworker wouldn’t notice. “That’s nice.”

“Still didn’t see a ring, honey so he’s up for grabs!”

Buck nearly shrieked, his face going bright red. “Melissa!”

“What?” She asked innocently, waggling her eyebrows. “Just because he has a kid, doesn’t mean he’s married. And between us…he’s way sweeter to you than any of the girls who were here yesterday afternoon.”

Buck protested with a sputter, feeling his face grow even hotter. “C’mon, no he isn’t!”

“Honey that man looks at you like you hung the moon, and you barely know each other.”

Buck made a face at Melissa, rolling his eyes slightly. “Stop feeding into my fantasy please Melissa, I’m desperate enough as it is.”

“It’s not desperate if it’s reciprocated!”

Buck opened his mouth to respond but froze as a scream rang out through the café lobby. He bolted out of the swinging door, stopping when he saw Grace on the floor with a customer and his young daughter.

“He just passed out and started seizing!” Grace explained, frantic in a way Buck rarely saw her.

“Daddy!” The little girl shrieked again, pushing on her father’s arm. “Daddy!”

“Okay, okay – Grace, take the daughter and move people out of the way okay?” Buck asked, already dropping down to his knees besides the still seizing man. He undid his apron, folding it up and placing it under the man’s head, gently turning him on his side. “Melissa!” He called out, seeing his older co-worker hovering behind him. “Call 911 just to be safe. We don’t know if he has any medical conditions. Tell them he’s been seizing for –” He checked his watch and cursed. “Two minutes already.”

Buck could feel the blood pumping in ears, the world moving slowly around him as he focused on helping the man in front of him. He distantly thought about the adrenaline, before racking his brain for anything else useful he could be doing.

“Buck, they’re sending paramedics.” Melissa reported, still on the phone. “Do we know if he has any underlying conditions?”

“No.” Buck said, turning to look at the terrified daughter. “The daughter might, but I don’t think she’ll be able to help right now.” Gradually the man in front of him stopped seizing, laying still as he breathed harshly. “Sir? My name is Buck, can you hear me?” The man only groaned, trying to roll over. “Stay right there, sir, you’ve just had a seizure.” Buck explained, trying to keep his voice calm and level. “Can you tell me your name?” The man didn’t respond, his eyes rolling back in his head. “Melissa? Can you find his wallet? Maybe we can find out his name before the paramedics get here.”

As he said that, Buck could hear sirens arriving outside, the flashing lights throwing the café lobby into blue and red relief. “Sir?” Buck tried again, attempting to rouse the man. “The paramedics are here; they’re going to take a look at you.” He heard the door opening, and his dad’s voice and he looked up, ready to address him when he was met with none other than Eddie Diaz, completely clad in his LAFD uniform. “Um.” Buck said, his brain struggling to come back online after seeing the way Eddie’s biceps filled out his shirt so nicely. “He was seizing for about three minutes. Barely responsive now, it looks like he’s struggling to stay awake. No known medical conditions as of right now. His daughter was him.” He stood up, making way for Chimney and Hen to kneel down, gesturing towards the little girl at the edge of the crowd, still held by Grace.

“You did a good job Buck.” Bobby said, clapping him on the shoulder.

“You know each other?” Eddie blurted; his face etched in surprise as he readied the stretcher.

“Course I do, he’s my son.” Bobby explained, shooting Eddie a look, as he cleared room for the stretcher to come back out the café, Hen and Chimney already loading the still unresponsive man onto it.

Eddie mouthed the words ‘my son’ to himself, staring in shock and awe at the barista who he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about. “I –”

“You’re the new recruit my dad won’t shut up about?” Buck asked incredulously, his blue eyes wide in surprise.

“Do you two know each other or something?” Chimney asked, looking between the two men staring at each other, both of them flustered and blushing. “Wait…Buck are you Eddie’s barista boy?” At their continued silence, he burst out laughing, walking back out as he called out to Bobby. “Hey Cap! Looks like you and Diaz are going to be getting a lot closer!”

Buck felt himself flush all over again, the blush curling up over his ears from his neck. Eddie was in a similar state, cringing when he heard what Chim had said. “I –” Buck started, shaking his head when nothing came out. “Hi?”

“Hi.” Eddie repeated back, somewhat breathlessly, a smile coming over his face at the ridiculousness of the situation. “You – I – I thought Bobby’s son was 10.”

“Yeah, that’s my stepbrother. I’m obviously not 10.” Buck gave a little hysterical laugh, his brain still coming to terms with what was happening. “I didn’t know you worked at the 118.”

“Cap recruited me from Austin.” explained Eddie, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. The pair fell in an awkward silence, staring at each other. Buck could feel each second tick by, but for the life of him couldn’t figure out what else to say.

“Eddie! Let’s get going!” His dad’s voice rang out from outside the store, causing the Latino man to flush and turn towards the door.

“Wait!” Buck yelled, cringing at how loud his voice seemed in the still quiet space. “Number? I mean,” He sighed, clearly frustrated with himself. “Can I have your number?”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah that would be fine.” Eddie replied, his trademark smile taking over his whole face, chasing away the blush that was still lingering. “Here –” He said, grabbing Buck’s phone from his outstretched hand and quickly typing in his number. “Text me later?”

“Yeah.” Buck replied back breathlessly. “Yeah, definitely. After I, uh, finish working.”

“Great!” With another smile, and a shake of his head, Eddie finally followed the rest of the 118 out the door and back into the rig, only to be met with the sound of Hen and Chim laughing themselves sick.

“That’s certainly one way to get on Bobby’s good side Eddie!” Hen quipped, laughing harder as Eddie put his head in his hands, glancing up front to where Bobby was sitting, and fighting back a smile.

What had he gotten himself into?

Inside the store, Buck was asking himself the very same question, with the very same smile tugging at his lips.

\---------

“So, this is weird right?” Buck asked, his phone balanced between his ear and his shoulder as he tied his shoes. “I should definitely not go on this date.”

His sister’s voice came through tinny due to his phone’s speaker, but he could still hear her annoyance. “Buck! Go for it! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Oh, I don’t know…get my insanely hot crush fired for going on a date with his captain’s son?”

Maddie laughed, and Buck could picture her shaking her head. “Buck. It’s not like you’re 16 –you’re 24! You’re allowed to go out and have fun regardless of who your dad is and who the guy is.” She paused for a second before adding, “Bobby said he was a good guy, right?”

“Oh yeah! Up until he asked me out on a date, he couldn’t stop waxing poetic about him.” Buck bit his lip as he looked in the mirror, raking his fingers through his hair. “Maddie, he has a kid. What if I mess it up? What if he never wants to speak to me again? He shouldn’t, I’m –”

“Evan Buckley don’t you dare finish that sentence!” His sister all but shouted, sending Buck into an anxious hush. “You are not a screw up. You aren’t. You’re worth getting to know.”

“But having a kid adds so much to the situation…Maddie I don’t know. Maybe I should cancel. I could still cancel, right?”

Before Maddie could answer, Buck heard the doorbell ring, and the sound of his family downstairs clamoring to answer it. “Shit, Mads I gotta go okay? Love you!”

“Keep me updated!” Maddie chirped out, before Buck hung up, shoving his phone in his pocket as he hurried down the stairs. He tripped on the last step, flailing a little as he fell before finding himself caught by strong arms. Heartbeat pounding in his ears, he looked up to see Eddie staring down at him, a smile slowly taking over his face.

“Oh.” Buck whispered before clearing his throat. “Hi.” He said louder, blushing as Eddie’s smile grew.

“Hi yourself.” Eddie said back, helping Buck stand up. “You okay?”

“Yeah I just…tripped.” He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Are you okay? I mean –” Here, Buck winced, his blush traveling further down his neck. “How are you?”

Eddie laughed, and Buck swore the sound caused butterflies in his stomach. “I’m good Buck. You ready to go?”

Buck nodded, hoping if he stayed silent, he could save himself anymore embarrassment. His family soon proved him wrong.

“You leaving, Buckaroo?” Athena asked, coming out from the kitchen.

“Yeah. I’ll see you guys later okay?” He ushered Eddie towards the door, pulling it open just in time for his dad to chime in.

“Have him back by midnight!”

“C’mon! I’m 24, not 12!” whined Buck, pouting as he closed the door behind him. He looked at Eddie only to find his breath catch in his chest about how handsome Eddie looked while laughing. “Sorry about them. I know they can be…a lot.”

“As long as they aren’t making fun of me, I’m fine with it.” Eddie teased, his grin widening as Buck’s mouth fell open in afront.

“Hey!” He knocked into Eddie as they walked to his truck, pausing before they climbed in. “Just for that, you’re buying me dinner.”

“Whatever you say… _Buckaroo_.”

\----

As they settled into the restaurant and ordered, Eddie couldn’t help but feel awkwardness creeping in. The boy – no, man – in front of him was handsome, but he was so young. A guy this young definitely doesn’t want to be saddled with any kid, let alone one with a disability. He fidgeted slightly, resigning himself to ruining the date for the sake of his son, when Buck opened his mouth.

“So…Bobby said you had a son? About Harry’s age?”

Eddie could feel his smile growing more real and less brittle, the subject of his son always causing him to open up slightly. “Yeah, his name’s Christopher. He’s 8.”

Buck smiled back at the suddenly different man sitting across from him, his features animated as he talked about his son. “He sounds great!” Buck replied back enthusiastically when Eddie finished after telling Buck about Christopher’s enthusiasm for his upcoming class trip to the aquarium. “And you sound like a great dad.” Buck could instantly feel the blush rise up over his face, coughing slightly to hide his now reddened face behind his fist. “Um…I just…the way you talk about him is the way every kid deserves to be loved.”

Eddie laughed a little, shifting in his chair. “Yeah?” At Buck’s encouraging nod, he blushed, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t say what I’m doing is anything special Buck. I just try and be the best dad I can be, to the most amazing little boy.”

“Trust me.” Buck earnestly replied. “I know what dads who don’t try are like and you definitely aren’t them.” Evan could see the curiosity dawning on Eddie’s face, and rushed to continue the conversation, not wanting to be so brutally honest on the first date. “Anyways, I love kids! I would definitely love to meet Christopher one day…” He trailed off, biting his lip as he looked at Eddie across the table.

“I – maybe, yeah.” Eddie managed to stutter out, his chest growing tight with discomfort and curiosity at seeing his two boys together. He shook his head slightly as the thought crossed his mind – _his_. Their first date wasn’t even halfway through, and Eddie had claimed Buck like a lost puppy at the pound. He opened his mouth to say something else, anything else, to cut the awkwardness that just arose down, before Buck beat him to the punch.

“Okay, cards on the table? I’m really nervous about screwing this up.”

Eddie sat back a little, shock painting his features. “What?”

“We just seem to be in different places in our lives and…I want to be enough for you. I know it’s dumb, and it’s only our first date, but the minute I saw you I knew that this could be something. That _we_ could be something. I want to see where this goes so badly, I’m just anxious about screwing it up.” Buck shot Eddie a look from underneath his eyelashes, his blue eyes shining with hope and fear in equal measure. His next sentence came out a little quieter, Eddie having to strain a little to hear it over the noise of the restaurant. “I want to be good enough to have you stay.”

“Buck…” Eddie started, before trailing off, sighing when he realized he didn’t have the words to answer Buck. He wanted to comfort him, to tell him that he would always stay, but this was their first date. He wasn’t even sure there was the start of something, but looking into Buck’s eyes again, he knew that was a lie. He had been unable to think about anyone but this beautiful blonde man for weeks, had been hanging on to every word, every laugh, he had uttered since the first time Eddie laid eyes on him, and the idea that this bright, shining man was insecure about Eddie wanting him was frankly ridiculous. “Buck, listen –”

“Can I get you gentlemen anything else tonight?” Their waitress asked, setting down their entrees. She smiled prettily at Buck and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Maybe a phone number?”

“My boyfriend and I are good, thanks.” Eddie spit out, sending a slight glare in her direction, eyes widening a second later when had realized what he said, and at the waitress’s huff. 

Buck sent him a look from across the table, his smile growing. “Boyfriend, huh?’

Eddie huffed a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m bad at speeches and telling people how I feel. But there’s no universe where I wouldn’t want to try something with you. So yeah, boyfriend.” He paused, chancing a look at Buck’s eyes. “If that’s okay?”

Buck reached across the table, to grab Eddie’s hand, squeezing it gently. “It’s more than okay.”

\------

The quiet conversation and hushed laughter that took place over their four-hour phone conversation the next night served to firm their relationship. Neither man could say they had ever been in a relationship that fell together quite so easily, but the two men together had just fit. They had been dating about two months when the first hint of trouble rolled around, unsurprisingly in the form of Christopher.

Buck had stopped by the station, under the guise of visiting his dad, but the second Eddie had come up the stairs, the Latino man had stolen all of Buck’s attention. They were sitting together on the couch, Buck leaning into Eddie’s side as he was showing him a video on his phone.

“Yo, Buckaroo!” Chimney called out, coming back from a med call with Hen. “You’re coming this Saturday, right?”

Eddie felt Buck tense against his side, and he looked down slightly to see Buck avoiding everyone’s gaze. “Um…I don’t know. I might have to work.”

“Saturday?” Eddie asked, tilting his head slightly. “What’s Saturday?”

“The big LAFD Harvest Fest Fundraising event.” answered Bobby who had wandered over from what he was preparing in the kitchen. “It’s been on the calendar for months Diaz.”

Eddie shot the Captain a smile over his shoulder, widening it when he saw Bobby huff a laugh. “Buck, you told Athena and I last month that you had gotten it off.”

“Yeah, I did, but you know how schedules are. They change all the time.” Buck was clearly trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing, but his body was tense, curling up in on itself.

Eddie felt his confusion and concern rise in equal measure, twisting so he could try and see Buck’s face. “Cariño?”

“Hey, I gotta go!” Buck said instead of answering, unfolding himself quickly and backing away towards the stairs. “I forgot I have to do some stuff. I’ll see you later?”

Before Eddie could answer, Buck was gone, throwing a wave over his shoulder as he hustled down the stairs. Eddie turned to ask the others what that was about, but before he could Hen slapped him upside the head.

“I don’t know _what_ you did, but you better fix it.” She said, plopping down on the opposite side of the couch.

“I didn’t do anything! I had honestly forgot this was happening!”

“Then what was with his disappearing act?”

“I don’t know!” Eddie replied through slightly gritted teeth, frustrated with both his boyfriend and his teammates. “We’re supposed to have date night tonight. I’ll ask him then.”

Bobby gave Eddie a look, before wandering back to the kitchen, recruiting Chimney to help him prep for lunch. Eddie felt his stomach sink lower the longer he thought about why Buck had run off. He was attempting to be careful and considerate of the other man, taking it slow since he knew the younger man hadn’t been in that many relationships, and no good ones.

But Eddie couldn’t shake the feeling that he had screwed up, just like he always did. 

\--------

By the time Eddie’s picking Buck up for their date, his stomach is in a ball of knots, anxious energy radiating off of him. It didn’t help that when Buck climbed in the truck, he didn’t greet his boyfriend with his traditional blinding smile and a soft kiss, instead offering a closed mouth quirk of the lip before buckling his seatbelt.

“Where are we going?” Evan asked quietly, turning slightly to look at his boyfriend.

“I was thinking that we could go back to my place for the night? Get some food, just relax? I know there’s a game on, or we could watch that movie you’ve been talking about or —”

“Will Christopher be there?”

“What? No. He’s staying at abuela’s.”

Buck let out a huff, his face turning into a frown. “Of course.” He cleared his throat before speaking again. “That’s fine. Let’s go to yours.”

Eddie stared at his boyfriend for an extra minute before putting the truck in gear, stopping at Buck’s favorite Chinese take-out place before guiding the truck into the driveway. Before he could open his mouth, Buck was out of the truck with the food, waiting at the front door for Eddie to come unlock it. Once inside, he silently set the food down on the table, grabbing out plates and glasses from the cupboards.

“Okay, what’s up?” Eddie finally asked, after watching his boyfriend work in silence. “Did I do something?”

“Do you not trust me?” Buck asked, causing Eddie to jerk his head up sharply.

“What?”

“Do you not trust me? Because that’s the only reason I can think — unless you aren’t serious about us?”

“Woah! Buck, what are you talking about?”

“Answer me Eddie!”

“Buck, we are definitely not on the same page right now. Can you please back up and catch me up?”

Buck let out a big sigh, dropping what he was holding on the table, his blue eyes betraying the hurt he clearly felt. “Why haven’t I met Christopher, Eddie?” Eddie felt himself stunned into silence himself, his mouth hanging open at the unexpected question. “I don’t get it, babe! You say you want to be with me, but we’ve been together two months and I haven’t met your son, who is the biggest part of your life! So, what is it?” He took a step closer to Eddie, and Eddie reflexively took a step back, his mind racing. “Do you not want to be together? Do you not trust me?”

“Buck I — I do — “

Buck continued talking, his words growing more frantic and desperate as he continued. “Do you think I wouldn’t like him? As if I could ever hate something that’s a part of you?” He shook his head, sharply, a humorless laugh leaving him. “Or do you think like everyone else, that I’m just some dumb ass kid trying to play house and that I’m not serious about you? About your life?”

Eddie finally managed to shake himself into action, his heart pounding in his ears as he reached out to grab Buck from his pacing. “Buck, stop for a second.” Buck pulled away from him a little, causing Eddie to grab both shoulders this time. “ _Stop!_ ” He sighed shakily, squeezing Buck’s shoulder’s lightly. “Of course, I don’t think that Evan. I know you’re serious about this, and I know without a doubt that you two would get along great.”

“Then why?” Buck asked in a small broken voice, and Eddie could curse himself for making Buck feel this way, but this was not the time.

“It’s on me Buck. I was — I am scared.” Buck didn’t respond to that, and Eddie rushed to continue, desperate to salvage the second-best thing in his life. “You know that Christopher’s mom was…she tried her best, but she left. Without any warning, and part of that was on me, I know that, but I’m terrified to introduce people to Chris, to have him lean on them and trust them and love them, only for them to disappear. I’m certain you wouldn’t but every time I almost do, this little voice in my head convinces me that it might not work out, that I might screw this up or that you might want someone better than me and so I don’t. Because I can handle getting hurt, but I can’t bear to see my son hurt.”

Buck finally met his eyes, and Eddie was equal parts panicked and relieved to see the tears he had in his eyes matched in Buck’s. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly, and oh boy that was a question Eddie could answer without thinking.

“I didn’t want to ruin it. This, us, is the best thing in my life after my son and I want it to stay that way.”

“Eddie…why are you so afraid that you’re going to ruin it?” Eddie’s mind instantly flashed to Shannon, how she didn’t leave Chris but left him, that he was the problem, that no one could stand him, and he shook his head slightly, offering a rueful smile.

“Catholic guilt?”

Buck didn’t take the bait of the joke, studying Eddie quietly and seriously, like Eddie was a particularly hard math problem Buck couldn’t figure out. Eddie held his breath slightly, hoping Buck would move on, because he couldn’t talk about it, didn’t want to talk about it and —

“You don’t ever talk about Christopher.” Buck said instead, causing Eddie to have almost whiplash. “I have to pry to get information about him, even just asking about his day at school. And…I know we’re dating, and the relationship is different, but it stings to know that everyone at the station has met him and I haven’t. To know my _dad_ has met him, but me, the boyfriend, hasn’t. You won’t open up about him at all Eddie, and I understand he is the best and brightest thing in your universe, but I thought we were supposed be doing this thing together. Only, it feels like I’m constantly on the outside looking in.”

“Buck…” Eddie said softly, reaching a hand up to trace Buck’s cheek, his hand coming down to rest in the hollow of Buck’s collarbone, where he could feel Buck’s heart. “I trust you. With my life and with my son’s. I’m sorry I haven’t been better about…” He paused, trying to find the right words. “About letting you in, about being open with you.”

“It’s okay.” murmured Buck softly, bringing his own hand up to grasp Eddie’s wrist.

“It’s not mi amor.” Eddie protested, chancing pressing a kiss to Buck’s jaw. “I’m really sorry. I’ll try to be better about it. I promise.”

Buck smiled softly ducking his head to rest it on Eddie’s shoulder. “Okay.”

“Let me make it up to you?” He offered, reeling the younger man in a little and smiling suggestively.

Buck visibly hesitated, some of the tension returning to his previously relaxed body. “No — I — can we just cuddle?”

Eddie’s heart swooped at the thought of Buck being afraid to say no to him, but he pushed it back for another time, focusing on sending a soft smile towards the man in front of him. “Of course, babe. Do you still want to eat?” Buck shook his head, making grabby hands when Eddie slid out of his grasp to lead them to the couch. “Alright, c’mere.” Eddie murmured, sighing as Buck arranged himself on top of the Eddie, pressing a kiss to his cheek when he got comfortable. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” Buck answered, before shrugging slightly. “No.” Eddie carded the hand not resting on Buck’s back through his hair, waiting for him to elaborate. “We still haven’t…the reason I got upset earlier was because the LAFD Harvest Fest is a huge family event, and I knew Christopher would be there. I wasn’t sure you wanted us to meet, and I didn’t want to be there if you didn’t want me to be.”

Eddie pulled back a little, trying to meet Buck’s eyes, but Buck was resolutely picking at a loose string on the back of Eddie’s couch. “Buck, your dad’s the captain, and you are friends with the whole station before I even got here. You really wouldn’t have gone?”

Buck shrugged again; his voice quiet. “I would do anything for you.”

Eddie’s heart surged with love for the man lying on top of him, even though it was too soon to be uttering those words. He pressed a few firm kisses to the man’s head, trying to keep his own emotions under control. “Well,” he said drawing the world out. “I’m off Friday afternoon, and I know you’re off this whole weekend…want to come over Friday night and come with us to the Festival on Saturday?”

“Us?” Buck asked, propping himself up on his arms to look at Eddie.

“Us.” Eddie confirmed with a smile, his heart glowing when Buck broke out into his trademark bright grin. “I’ll have to work part of the fundraiser, but I’m sure you and Chris can keep yourselves occupied right?”

Buck nodded vigorously, a happy sound escaping him. “Thank you!” He whispered as he wrapped himself back up in Eddie, hugging him close. “You won’t regret it Eddie, I promise!”

Eddie felt his smile go soft, as he tugged the blonde man closer. “I know I won’t cariño.”

\-----

“Mijo,” Eddie began, as he saw Buck’s Jeep pull into the driveway. “Do you remember how I told you I started seeing someone?”

“Mhm!” Chris hummed, engrossed in his newest Lego creation.

“Would you like to meet him?”

Chris dropped the Legos on the table and sat up straight. “Please? Can I dad? Please?”

Eddie laughed, feeling the last of his nervousness fade away. “You sure can superman. In fact, he’s just walking up right now. Want to meet him at the door?”

Christopher took off like a bullet, nearly tripping in his haste to get down from the kitchen chair. “Dad, come on!” He yelled, yanking open the door when he saw Eddie following at a much slower pace.

“Chris, don’t open —” 

“Hi!” Chris yelled, looking up at a smiling Buck.

“Hey buddy! How are you?”

“I’m good! You’re daddy’s boyfriend?”

Here, Buck crouched down to be closer to Christopher’s level, smiling gently. “I sure am.”

“Good.” He leaned in closer, pitching his voice in an attempted whisper. “You make my dad smile a lot.”

“Yeah?” Buck grinned, poking Chris lightly in the stomach. “Well he makes me smile a lot too.”

Chris giggled, his eyes shining behind his glasses. “Do you want to see my Legos? I have them all on the kitchen table!”

“Well, let’s go!” Buck answered, carefully stepping into the house and shutting the door behind him. He greeted Eddie with a kiss and a softly whispered greeting, nudging his forehead against Eddie’s.

“Gross!” Christopher complained, sticking out his tongue at the couple causing them to break apart. Eddie laughed, moving to ruffle his son’s hair as Buck blushed a bit. “Hey Buck? Can you cook?”

“Sure can, little man. Why?”

“Because daddy can’t cook. Will you make us dinner tonight?” Buck laughed loudly, laughing harder when he saw Eddie sputtering from his seat at the kitchen table.

“Christopher!”

“What?” asked Christopher innocently.

“I can cook!”

“Abuela says you can’t, and she’s never wrong.”

“We don’t need Buck to cook. He’s a guest.”

Chris sighed, pouting a little. “But I want pancakes.”

“Hey Chris, I’ll tell you what,” Buck started, glancing at Eddie whose smile grew every time the pair interacted. “I’ll cook dinner tonight _and_ make pancakes in the morning if it’s okay with your dad.”

“Please!” Christopher chirped, grinning before turning back to his dad. “Please dad? Can he? Please?”

“Buck, you really don’t have to —”

“I want to Eddie. I promise. It’s no big deal.”

Eddie hummed in consideration before nodding, grinning at the smiles that lit up both of his boy’s faces. “Alright, sounds like a plan. But I think Buck’s going to need an assistant, and since I’ve been deemed hopeless…”

“I can do it! Please Buck, can I? I can help!”

“I think you’ll be the perfect helper!” Buck said grinning. “Let me make sure we don’t need to run to the store okay?”

As buck headed into the kitchen to check on the status of ingredients, Chris giggled, leaning towards his dad. “You’re funny dad.”

Eddie cocked his head, smiling at his son. “Why’s that mijo?”

“Because I already met Buck!”

Eddie felt a cold tendril of doubt creep up his spine at that statement. Buck had been so excited to meet Christopher but…he wouldn’t have gone ahead and met him without Eddie, right? He suddenly felt the need to call everything off, alarms ringing in his mind before he forced himself to take a deep breath.

“How?”

“He’s Harry’s brother! And Harry and I are friends!”

A wave of relief crashed through Eddie so quickly he was glad he was sitting down. Until this very moment, Eddie had forgotten about the probability of Buck helping grab his stepsiblings from school with their parent’s crazy schedules. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! Harry makes having a brother seem so cool!” Christopher’s face falls a little, his smile dimming. “I wish I had a brother.” Eddie opened his mouth, ready to console him when Christopher brightened again inexplicably. “Oh! Dad! If you marry Buck than Harry will be my brother! And I’ll have a sister!”

Eddie let out a choked sound, eyes wide as he stared at his son. Behind him, Buck clapped his hands, rubbing them together excitedly. “Alright guys! We have the stuff for spaghetti! Do I still have my helper?”

Christopher nodded, his curls bouncing wildly. “Yeah!”

Buck smiled, and his grin almost caused Eddie to forget the panic his son had inadvertently caused. “Awesome! Now help me remember – what do we do before we cook?”

“Wash our hands!” answered Christopher, already sliding down off the chair and headed towards the bathroom. “Dad! Tell Bucky what I said!” He instructed as he walked out of the room.

Eddie felt a flush creep up his neck, and he groaned, burying his face in his hands.

“What did he say?” Buck asked, and Eddie wasn’t imagining the teasing tone in his voice. He blew out a breath before replying, a nervous laugh creeping its way through his sentence.

“He thought we should get married so he could have Harry as a brother.”

“Oh.” Buck said quietly, and Eddie looked up to find Buck’s face looking curiously blank given the happiness that was shining on it a minute before. He cringed slightly, tripping over himself to fix the situation.

“Not that we would get married. Even if we did, Christopher wouldn’t have a brother. Besides, I don’t think marriage is really a thing either of us want to do? Right?”

Buck cleared his throat, opening his mouth to respond until Christopher came charging back into the room.

“My hands are clean!”

“Alright!” Buck cheered, blinking furiously for a second. “Let’s go then!”

“Buck –” Eddie started, still watching his boyfriend.

“I got it Eddie. No worries.” The double meaning hung in the air between them, as he flashed a smile back to the dark-haired man. Eddie couldn’t help but notice it didn’t meet his eyes, that it was a pale imitation of the usual beam wore around him. It was fine, he thought smiling as he watched Buck teach his son how to make meatballs, the blonde man a natural with his son. They’d be fine. Eddie would make sure they were.

\------

They were not fine. It, of course, wasn’t because of Christopher, or due to the slight awkwardness that lingered throughout the evening, Buck laying stiff in Eddie’s arms. In fact, the Harvest Fest itself went swimmingly, Buck back to his usual sunshine self, and Eddie doing everything to keep that smile on his face. Christopher had a blast playing with the other station kids, and even more so introducing Buck to everyone as, “My daddy’s boyfriend and my new best friend!”. By the end of the long day, all three were tired but happy, a content weariness settling in their bones as Eddie ordered pizza for a quick dinner.

The doorbell rang, and Eddie left Buck and Christopher in the kitchen while he moved to answer it, snagging his wallet off the side table as he opened the door, only to find his ex-wife instead of the delivery guy.

“Shannon?” Eddie breathed out, surprise filling his body. “What are you doing here?”

“You have my son.” Shannon said point blankly. “You have my son, and you moved half-way across the country without telling me, and now you’re asking me what I’m doing here?”

Eddie winced, glancing over his shoulder at his boyfriend and his son still unaware of the conversation happening. “Can we please not talk about this right now?”

“You never want to talk! That’s the reason we fell apart!”

“Shannon, _not now_. I have Chris inside and I don’t want him to know you’re here.” 

Shannon took a half step back, hurt filling her face momentarily. “You’re hiding me from my son?”

“You left.” Eddie said simply, sparing a glance behind him to make sure his two boys weren’t listening. “You left, and Christopher barely remembers you.”

“I had to take care of my mother!” Shannon protested, her eyes filling with tears. “Eddie –"

“That’s not all you did.” Eddie muttered, shifting against the doorframe. “Look, I assume you talked to my parents since you knew we were here. Ask them for my number and we can talk later.”

“Eddie, I’m your wife. He’s our son. We’re still – we’re a family.” She stressed the last word, reaching out to Eddie as if she wanted to touch him, and Eddie’s mind went blank, old arguments and trauma rearing their heads.

“No. We aren’t.” He snapped, before shutting the door firmly in her face. Once it was closed, he leaned against it, taking a deep breath. Shannon had this ability to get under his skin like no one else – incomparable to his parents, or even Buck – and at one point that was why Eddie had loved her. Instead of love, now this ability only gave him a raging headache and a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He sighed before wandering back over to the kitchen where his boys were, both blissfully ignorant of the bombshell that had just knocked on their door.

“Eddie! Chris was just telling me –” Buck paused, his brows furrowing as he took in his boyfriend. “Are you okay?”

“Of course.” Eddie replied, breezing through to the kitchen to ruffle his son’s hair and pull out a beer, trying hard to look unbothered. “Why?”

“You don’t have any pizza. Who was at the door?”

“Oh, no one. Just a neighbor.” 

Buck made a face, clearly teasing Eddie now. “No one, or a neighbor?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, sticking out his tongue at his boyfriend, making a play for normalcy while his heart still pounded in his chest.

The doorbell rang again, and this time Christopher took off to grab it, chanting about the pizza they were about to eat all the way there.

“Christopher!” Buck called before Eddie could. “I know your dad doesn’t let you answer the door without him –where do you think you’re going?”

“Pizza!” Christopher explained giggling, pausing by the door so Eddie and Buck could join him. “You’re too slow! I want pizza now!”

“I think I need a ‘please’ in there somewhere, superman.” Eddie chimed in after paying the delivery driver.

“Please?” asked Christopher, showing his dad his best puppy eyes. “Can we have pizza now, _please_?”

Buck burst out laughing at the face Christopher was making, causing the boy in question to giggle harder. “Oh my god Eddie, this kid definitely got your puppy eyes.” He tickled Christopher briefly before swinging him up and carrying him the rest of the way into the kitchen, leaving Eddie behind with a growing pit in his stomach.

Yes, Christopher might have gotten those eyes from him, but what had he gotten from Shannon, who had just reappeared? Was keeping them apart a bad idea? Was introducing Buck to Christopher as a second parental figure a bad idea? These questions swirled around in Eddie’s head as he joined them in the kitchen, and circulated the rest of the night, causing his responses to be shorter, and his smile less authentic. He was so trapped in his head, he didn’t notice the worried and almost panicked glances Buck was throwing at him after every interaction with Chris, as if Buck needed Eddie’s permission before interacting with his son.

\----

As September slipped into October and slightly cooler temperatures, Buck spent his first night at the Diaz household. The excitement of the night caused all three of the house’s occupants to crash quickly, falling easily into slumber.

Until Buck woke up, gasping from a nightmare, bolting up in Eddie’s bed. He hissed as he felt the pressure in his leg, his mind still trapped in the vestiges of the nightmare, of the reliving of his car accident. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, his left one still sending pangs of pain through him, as he tried to stifle the sobs that were so desperate to come out.

Behind him the light clicked on, and Buck felt Eddie’s hand on his shoulder. “Buck?” He asked sleepily, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “Nightmare?”

“Yeah.” Buck whispered, instantly regretting that he had woken Eddie up. “Go back to bed.”

“Not happening, mi amor.” Eddie stated as he slid to sit next to Buck, their legs touching. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No!” Buck bit out, mind racing at trying to explain everything that had happened to his boyfriend. “No, I – it’s just my leg. Phantom pain or something.”

Eddie hummed in response, giving Buck a quick, assessing look, before sliding down in front of Buck on the floor.

“E-Eddie?”

“Shh…let me make your leg feel better okay?” Eddie whispered, pressing a kiss to his knee. His hands started moving in rhythmic circles, the palms digging in to massage the tight muscle.

“Oh.” Murmured Buck, fear and pain clearing way for surprise at his boyfriend’s motions. “That feels good.” He added quietly, hissing as Eddie worked on a particularly sore spot.

“Good. It’s meant to.”

“I’ve never had anyone – I mean my physical therapist but – no one’s ever massaged my leg for me after a nightmare.”

“Really?” asked Eddie, lifting his eyebrows slightly. “How often do you get nightmares?”

“I –” Buck swallowed, his eyes darting around the room. “Only sometimes.”

Eddie hummed again, pressing another kiss to Buck’s leg. “Okay. That’s okay. We don’t need to talk about it. Does it still hurt?”

Buck shook his head, before pausing. “It still aches a little.”

“I’ll go grab some deep heat from the bathroom okay?” Eddie stood up, dropping a kiss onto Buck’s head this time before making his way to the door.

“Wait!” Buck bit out, cursing himself as his boyfriend halted. “Actually…never mind it’s stupid. Sorry. You can go.”

“What, mi amor? How can I help?”

“I just – don’t leave? I need to see you right now.” He looked down at the blankets still twisted in his hands, a flush rising up over his face. “I know it’s dumb, I’m sorry, I just –”

“Hey now!” Eddie protested gently, crawling back on the bed. “It’s not dumb if it’s what you need to feel better. Okay?” He waited for Buck’s nod before pressing a quick peck to Buck’s lips. “Can you walk with me, or do you want to skip the deep heat?”

Buck hesitated, his forehead wrinkling. “It’ll help but…I don’t know if I can walk.”

“Okay.” Eddie soothed, stroking a hand through Buck’s hair. “Let’s give it another minute before we try, okay?”

Buck murmured his agreement, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “’m so tired.”

“I know. We’ll be back to sleep in just a second cariño, I promise. Can you stand up for me?”

Buck managed to stand on shaky legs, and together the two men made their way to the bathroom, stopping occasionally so Buck could lean against the wall. “Alright mi amor, sit here okay? I’ll grab it.” Eddie directed, helping Buck sit on the edge of the tub, before turning to rummage around in the medicine cabinet. He made a triumphant noise as he found the tube hiding behind some children’s Tylenol. “Do you want to put it on? Or do you want me to?”

“You? Please?”

Eddie knelt down in front of Buck again, spreading the gel on his hands before massaging it into Buck’s still aching leg, being particularly tender around the ankle. He expected to work in silence, but Buck surprised him by speaking, his voice soft with exhaustion and residual fear.

“When I had the accident…I was dating this girl Abby. She was actually in the car with me when we were hit. Drunk driver. He was coming at us from the passenger side and I swerved so he wouldn’t hit her. She was completely uninjured but…” Here Buck hesitated, grappling with what to tell his boyfriend.

“Hey,” Eddie whispered, taking Buck’s hand and stroking back and forth with his thumb. “You only have to tell me what you want to. I won’t push.”

“I know you won’t.” replied Buck, sending a soft smile down to Eddie. “I just…I need you to understand why I’m still having nightmares. Because if you ever let me spend the night again, it’ll probably happen again.”

Eddie remained silent, squeezing Buck’s hand in a show of support when the blonde man took a deep breath. “I don’t remember really what happened. Only bits and pieces. But my leg was crushed up underneath the steering wheel, and my whole body was banged up pretty bad…concussion, broken ribs and nose. I had some internal bleeding too. Bobby was the one…the 118 came to the scene. They didn’t know it was me. I don’t remember much but I remember the look on his face when he saw it was me crushed in the car.

“I was in and out of it for a long time. When I was finally awake, they not only told me that I wouldn’t be able to be a firefighter, but then Abby came and she…she apologized but said she couldn’t be with me anymore. That even though she had promised to stay with me, she was worried I was going to suck her into a life where she couldn’t recognize herself. So, she jetted off to Ireland and I was stuck with nine screws in my leg, a broken dream and no one left to hold on to.”

Eddie shifted so he was sitting next to Buck, deep heat forgotten, as he wrapped his boyfriend in a hug. “Buck…”

Buck took the comfort but plowed on, his words muffled in Eddie’s shirt. “My so-called friends left too. I felt like I was left with nothing. Dealing with all of that, plus the pain and trauma physical therapy caused me, made have flashbacks to the shitty part of my childhood with my biological parents. Just like Abby, they left me. They told me that I wasn’t their son, that I wasn’t worth being their son. Maddie left me too, twice. The only one who ever stayed was Bobby, ever since we met, but now…it’s no longer the two of us. I know it’s awful because I love Athena and Harry and May, but I feel like I don’t fit in with this new family he’s forming. I feel like…he’s leaving me behind. Because everyone leaves me behind. My whole life, I’ve been alone. I feel like I’m always alone.”

Eddie pressed a kiss to the side of Buck’s head, trying to come up with the words to assuage all of Buck’s fear, all of his panic over being left, all of his hurt at both the physical and emotional scars he’s come to bear. He settled with what he knew in his heart. “You’re not anymore.” Eddie whispered quietly, his honesty making him quieter than he intended. He tangled their fingers together on top of Buck’s leg and pressed another kiss to Buck’s head. “I’m here mi amor. Chris and I will always be here for you.”

“I know.” Buck whispered back, reaching up to press a slow, content kiss to Eddie’s lips. “I know.”

That ‘I know’ sounded a lot like an ‘I love you’ to the both of them, but neither minded. Even if they weren’t quite at saying the words yet, the sentiment was there.

\------

Halloween passed with little incident, Christopher insisting on the three of them trick-or-treating together. He decided that he had to be Spider-Man, which subsequently made Eddie, Captain America and Buck, Iron Man. Eddie had to duck his head every time someone mentioned what a good family they made, a blush spreading over his cheeks. He wanted this to be a permanent reality so badly, but every time he managed to forget about Shannon, she seemed to pop up out of nowhere, insulting him and asking them to be a family again in equal measure. Dealing with her and hiding the interactions from Buck had been exhausting. He was sure Buck would want to know, want to help, but he didn’t want to bother him with his drama from his old life, the younger man had enough to deal with. 

He could protect Buck better if he didn’t know. So, he didn’t tell him, and as the holidays rolled around, it was easier to get lost in the hustle and bustle than admit he needed help dealing with his not quite ex-wife and in knowing how to tell Buck the secret he had been keeping from him.

\----

The holidays continued full steam ahead, and Eddie was grateful for this slight reprieve with Buck even if his boyfriend was technically working while forcing him to try all of this year’s seasonal Starbucks drinks. He adjusted his stance on the stool in front of the counter, gazing somewhat dreamily over to Buck who was finishing up a customer’s order for the drive thru.

“Whoever decided eggnog needed to be made into a latte was seriously disturbed.” Eddie joked, sending a teasing smile in Buck’s direction. The man in question pouted, crossing his arms slightly as he turned to face his boyfriend.

“You’re telling me you don’t like _any_ of the holiday drinks?”

“Nope!” Eddie replied, sending a genuine smile his boyfriend’s way this time. “I like you though?”

Buck made a noise, his pout growing, even as his eyes sparkled with happiness. “You better _love_ me after I gave you all that free coffee.”

“Oh of _course_ babe. I’m so sorry, I have _no_ idea what I was thinking!” teased Eddie, leaning over the counter to give Buck a quick kiss. Buck hummed into the kiss, smiling at Eddie before glancing at his watch.

“Don’t you need to go pick up Chris? It’s a –”

“Half day, yes I’m aware.” Eddie finished, sending Buck a warm look. “He’s going to want you to come over tonight.”

“I’m off at 2?” offered Buck, grabbing a cup from the rack, and pouring some milk into a pitcher. “Wait a second before you go, and I’ll make the little man a hot chocolate.”

Eddie shook his head, smiling ruefully at his boyfriend. “Just what I need, an 8-year-old hopped up on sugar.” 

Buck frowned, glancing up at Eddie, his eyes slightly guarded. “Oh. I don’t have to –”

“I was kidding mi cariño.” Eddie said quickly, a small frown coming over his face. “He’ll love a treat from his Buck, and I love how thoughtful you are for thinking of him.”

“Are you sure?” Buck asked quietly, finishing the drink, before sliding it over to Eddie, his eyes darting from the cup to Eddie’s face.

Eddie was quick to assure him, murmuring a “Of course sweetheart,” before doting a kiss on the cheek. “We want you okay? Every bit of you.” Buck blushed, ducking his head before reaching across the counter to grab Eddie’s hand and squeeze once. “Text me when you’re off mi amor. I love you!”

“Love you too.” Buck echoed back, watching his boyfriend exit the coffeeshop, sighing as the door closed behind him.

“Y’all are too cute.” Melissa said, looking over at Buck from where she was making a customer’s drink. “Makes me think we’re going to hear wedding bells soon, huh? He’ll finally make an honest man out of you, and you’ll be even more disgustingly in love than you are now.”

“Melissa! We – I – He –” Buck stammered, a flush spreading out over his cheeks. “Stop!” He whined, before burying his face in his hands as she laughed. “I’m going to go do the dishes!”

“You can run Buckaroo, but you can’t hide!” Melissa called after him, cackling at the look he sent her through the swinging door.

\-----

The year closed out wonderfully, the whole team getting together to spend Christmas as a family, Christopher loudly telling everyone about the firetruck his Buck got him. The New Year passed in a quieter way, Eddie and Buck opting to spend the night with Christopher, and then once he was in bed, sliding into Eddie’s own bed, ringing in the New Year with the touch of each other’s bodies.

It was after all of this, that the situation with Shannon came to a head. She caught up to Eddie as he was leaving the station, making him even more on edge than when she showed up elsewhere. She pressed into his space, seemingly going for a kiss, before Eddie jerked away, pulling her over by his truck, glancing covertly over his shoulder to make sure no one from the team had seen her arrive.

“You can’t just show up at my work, Shannon.” Eddie stated, running a hand through his hair in exasperation.

“It’s the only place you aren’t with _him._ ” She pouted, before flipping her hair. “Besides you promised we’d talk, remember?”

“I said we’d talk about Christopher, and that was it. So far, you’ve shown next to no interest in our son Shannon, and that was supposedly the whole reason you decided to come back in our lives.”

“I want both of you though. I want our family back.” She looked somewhat vulnerable after that statement, and Eddie felt himself soften, before shaking his head. He would always have a certain fondness towards Shannon, especially since she was the mother of his child, but any romantic feelings had died long ago. 

He took a deep breath before saying his next sentence. “Look, you may be his mother, but you are not my wife. I’m filing divorce papers Shannon, it’s over.”

Shannon’s lips twisted into an ugly scowl, her features hardening in anger. “Just because you found that blonde twink of yours –”

“Don’t talk about him!” Eddie snarled, taking a step towards her, before clenching his fist and settling slightly. “He is in our lives now Shannon. I know you want to be in Chris’s life, and I’m okay with that. But you don’t get to talk about or treat Buck that way. I won’t allow it.”

“Won’t allow it – Eddie I am your _wife_! Does he know he’s sleeping with a married man?”

Eddie swallowed, eyes darting to the side as he saw some of the B crew walk into the station. “I told you, we’re getting divorced Shannon. You left us, and I’m mature enough to recognizes that you left me more than you left Chris. But we can’t keep doing this.”

“If you file those papers, I’ll…I’ll sue you!”

He let out a sharp laugh, sending Shannon a dry look. “It’s funny that after all these years you still think I’m made of money.”

“Not for money, you idiot. For Christopher.” Eddie face paled in disbelief, his stomach dropping out from underneath him. Shannon watched with a sick satisfaction the effect her words had had on Eddie. “Yes, I’ll sue for custody. And you know as well as I do, the court’s almost always side with the mother.”

Eddie took a shaky breath, trying to regain his footing. “You won’t – you left. They wouldn’t side with you.”

“Maybe.” Shannon said, tilting her head. “Maybe not. But poor Christopher will be dragged through a whole trial until they decide. And gosh, what if CPS ends up having to take him? You work such long hours Eddie, that can’t be good for a child.”

“Stop!”

“See Eddie, it isn’t quite as easy as divorcing me. I still have my ace, and I’m not afraid to use it.” She pressed a kiss to his slack lips before backing away, sending Eddie a satisfied smile. “Call me, okay? We’ll work something out.”

She vanished just as quickly as she had appeared, and Eddie found himself leaning against the truck for support. He knew Shannon was determined to win him back but take Christopher from him? That was something he never thought she’d be capable of. This was not the woman who had left all those years ago, or even the one who had showed up desperate to see Christopher. What had changed? Eddie shook his head in disbelief, before banging the back of it on his truck in frustration. He had no idea how he was supposed to fix this.

Bobby’s voice broke through his thoughts, his tone concerned. “Eddie? Everything okay?”

“What?” Eddie asked, straightening up. “Oh yeah, everything is fine.”

The captain sent him an assessing look, before placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “You know we’d help if you let us.”

“There’s nothing to help Cap!” Eddie protested, wincing as his voice cracked in the middle. “Everything’s fine, I promise.”

Bobby hummed, before releasing Eddie’s shoulder. “Alright. Get out of here then, I know Buck’s waiting for you at home.”

Eddie nodded, sending a weak smile in Bobby’s direction. “Yep, I’m headed there right now.” He gave a half wave before climbing in his truck, waiting until Bobby had disappeared back into the firehouse before letting out a sigh and starting the truck.

\----

Eddie stepped into the Grant-Nash house, an hour later than he had told Buck, calling out a greeting to his boyfriend. When he didn’t get an answer, he stepped further into the entryway, calling out for him.

“Buck? Where are you?”

Buck’s voice came floating down from the stairs, his body appearing soon after. “Up here.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at the slightly odd behavior he was getting, cocking his head to the side. “Are you ready to go? I’m sorry I’m late, something came up with Christopher.”

Buck let out a breath, steeling himself as he walked down the stairs. “You usually text when something comes up Eddie.”

“I know babe, I’m sorry. I am. I didn’t think I was going to be this late. Or that you’d be here all alone, waiting for me.”

“This is the fourth time in two weeks.”

Eddie winced at the slightly broken tone of voice his boyfriend had. “Buck…”

“Eddie.” Buck interrupted, his voice quavering. “Tell me what’s going on. Are you…are you cheating on me?” At this he took a step back from Eddie, and Eddie immediately missed the heat from his body.

“What? No! Cariño, I would never –”

“Then why did Anderson from the station text me this?” Buck asked, his chin quivering in his effort to hold back tears. He held the phone up to Eddie, and there on the screen was a perfect picture of Shannon kissing Eddie. Eddie felt his stomach plummet for the second time that day, his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

“Buck, I swear this isn’t what it looks like, okay? I promise –”

“Don’t promise me anything!” Buck yelled, tears shining in his eyes. “If it isn’t what it looks like, then tell me what’s going on Eddie! You’re showing up at home late, and you weren’t on a call or with Christopher okay, I _know_ , and now there’s this, and I don’t — I can’t — you weren’t – you aren’t –” Buck’s voice went higher with each attempted sentence, his breath picking up speed and his face getting pink.

“Hey, hey calm down sweetheart. It’s okay.” Eddie reached out to touch his boyfriend, panicked at how quickly Buck had worked himself up but Buck withdrew quickly from his outstretched hand.

“It’s not okay!” Buck protested, drawing back further when Eddie took a step forward. “Tell me what’s happening!”

Eddie sighed, running a hand through his hair and feeling a flash of annoyance at his boyfriend. “Buck, I promise I’m not cheating on you. This is all just a big misunderstanding, but I don’t want to talk about. I can’t talk about it.” His mind flashed to Shannon showing up at their door unannounced, a sneer painted on her face. “Can we just —”

“Drop it?” Buck asked brokenly, scrubbing a hand over his face. Eddie looked up at his change of tone, and saw the other man wrapping his arms around his body. “I don’t think I can.”

“Buck, sweetheart, you’re being irrational –”

“Don’t call me irrational! You’re the one whose avoiding talking about everything Eddie! There’s literally a picture of you cheating on me, and you still refuse to talk about it! I have to pry to get the slightest bit of information out of you! A relationship shouldn’t be like that!”

Eddie scowled at Buck as he felt his temper, however misplaced, rise. “Our relationship is just fine, Buck!” Eddie snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. “Stop being dramatic!”

“I’m not being dramatic!”

“You are when you’re pushing for answers! I said I didn’t want to talk about it!”

“I wouldn’t have to push if you told me anything Eddie! But you don’t! You just smile and make all of the decisions and say everything is fine even when it’s not!” Eddie remained silent for a beat, scrubbing a hand over his mouth. Buck took his silence as an invitation to keep talking, his voice lowering as he tried to remain calm. “Eddie, I am not asking for a lot; I just want you to tell me where you’ve been going and what’s going on. I deserve to know.” Eddie turned his head slightly, refusing to acknowledge Buck’s point, and Buck flung out his hands in frustration. “You promised you’d be more open about everything, _please_ just talk to me.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to talk to _you_ about it! And maybe you don’t _deserve_ to know Buck! We aren’t married! I don’t owe you anything!”

Buck reared back like he had been slapped, his eyes going wide and hurt instantly, and Eddie felt regret coil in his stomach. “Wait cariño —"

“Don’t call me cariño.” Buck said shakily, stumbling over the Spanish endearment as he willed himself not to cry even as more tears pooled in the bottom of his bright blue eyes. “Actually, don’t call me anything. I think you need to leave.”

“Wait, c’mon ba—Buck I’m sorry. I’ve just had a rough day, I didn’t mean —"

“Eddie you need to leave. Now.”

“Buck –” 

“Leave!” Buck finally shouted, flinging his hand towards the door, tears spilling over. “If you don’t owe me anything then fucking leave Diaz. Because I’m not going to let you bully me the rest of the night.”

“I’m sorry!” Eddie yelled back somewhat desperately, frantic for Buck to understand. “I never meant to hurt you, I just needed you to stop pushing!”

“Well you accomplished that, didn’t you?” Buck commented sourly, his face still crumpled with hurt. “Leave, Eddie.”

“I’m not going to leave when you’re this upset. We need to talk about this.” Eddie pleaded, trying to keep calm. If he left, Buck would never come back to him. He knew. He had screwed up too many times for Buck to ever consider coming back to him. “Please Buck, I’m sorry!”

Buck stood silently for a minute, staring at Eddie, before scoffing. “Oh, now you want to talk?” He glared at the Latino man before looking away, wrapping his arms around himself. “Fine. If you won’t leave, then I will.”

“Mi amor, this is your house.”

“I don’t care. I can’t look at your _stupid_ face anymore!” Eddie watched as Buck moved in a whirlwind, grabbing his jacket and wallet by the front door. “I would have done anything for you, you know. Why can’t you do the same?”

“I can Buck, I — don’t leave!” Buck looked back after he had opened the door and Eddie felt his breath catch in his throat, his heart beating wildly. “Please!”

The sound of the door slamming was the answer to his plea, and it kick-started Eddie’s own tears, spilling over his face in hot trails of betrayal.

As Eddie stood, alone, looking around the Grant-Nash house, he felt a sense of deja-vu come over him. This was exactly how Shannon had left him, accusing him of the same things Buck had just did, before she too, left with a slam of the door. Eddie had never thought that this would be a pattern, that another partner would leave him, and he never suspected that this person would be Buck…Buck who was so devoted to Eddie and Christopher, who tried his hardest to make their relationship work, Buck who until Eddie had ruined it, would have never considered leaving

Eddie was starting to think that it wasn’t him being left behind, but it was him causing his partners to leave.

\------

“I want to see my Buck!” Christopher announced one morning, a week after Buck and Eddie’s fight. “He hasn’t come over all week!”

“Mijo,” Eddie started, rubbing a hand over his face. “I told you Buck’s been busy. He’ll come over soon.”

“No.”

“No?” Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No! I heard Carla say you guys got in a fight, and now you’re keeping Buck away from me!”

“Chris, I’m not –”

“You are! Let me see Buck!”

Eddie crouched down in front of Christopher, grabbing his son’s hand. “Mijo, he just doesn’t want to come over right now, okay? It’s not you, I promise.”

“But he…” Christopher’s chin wobbled, looking dangerously on the verge of tears. “He said he’d always want to see me. He told me I was his favorite! He has to come!”

“I know you want to see him Chris. I do too. But…”

Christopher jerked his hands out of his dad’s, his tears falling now. “Then apologize! You were mean to my Buck and you need to apologize!”

“Chris, I know you’re upset but we’re not going to yell. Calm down, okay?”

“No!” Christopher shouted, before hurrying down the hall. “You’re stupid and mean and I want my Buck!” Before Eddie could respond to that, he heard Christopher slam his door and he sighed, resigning himself to dealing with an upset Chris the rest of the morning.

He was puttering around the kitchen, sending glances down the hall to see if Christopher had decided to come out of his room, when Carla walked in to take Christopher to school.

“Good morning Diaz boys!” She greeted cheerily, stopping short as she saw Eddie’s slumped shoulders and a missing Christopher. “What happened?”

“He misses Buck.” Eddie said shortly, turning to face Carla when she tutted at him. “What?”

“You know that boy would come back in a heartbeat if you just attempted to explain the situation and apologize right?”

“No, I don’t know that!” Eddie protested, feeling his heartbeat pick up speed again, as it often did at the mention of his and Buck’s fight. “He knows he deserves better than me, Carla. He wouldn’t come back.”

“Don’t go making that boy’s decision for him!” scolded Carla. “It’s not over until you both say it’s over. And like any relationship, this one is going to take a little work.”

“I –” Eddie started, before sighing. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Oh, what was that?” Carla teased, holding a hand to her ear. “I didn’t hear that, did the great Eddie Diaz say I was right?”

Eddie laughed slightly, before glancing once again towards Christopher’s room. “I better go see if he’s ready to go.”

Carla hummed in acknowledgement, before placing a hand on Eddie’s arm. “It’ll all work Eddie. Have a little faith.”

He nodded at her, before heading down the hall and knocking on Christopher’s door. “Chris?” He asked softly. “Can I come in?”

Christopher’s reply came drifting through the door in the affirmative, and Eddie eased the door open to see his son sitting on his bed, crying slightly.

“Oh, superman. It’s okay!” Eddie soothed, crossing over to the bed to pick his son up.

“You’re mad!” Chris hiccupped, rubbing his eyes under his glasses as he cuddled into his father.

“Oh no, I’m not mad. I know that sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re upset, right?” Christopher nodded, his curls brushing the bottom of Eddie’s chin. “And what do we do when that happens?”

“We apologize.” Chris recited, before turning on Eddie’s lap. “I’m sorry dad! I was upset about Buck, but you’re not mean! Or stupid!”

“Thank you mijo. I accept your apology.” Eddie pressed a kiss to the top of Christopher’s head before smoothing his curls back. “Can you tell me why you got so upset?”

Chris nodded, playing with the bottom of his shirt. “My science project is due tomorrow. It’s supposed to be a volcano that actually explodes! But Buck promised to help me and now he won’t come!”

Eddie felt tears prickle in his eyes at how distressed his son was about Buck not coming, and once again cursed himself for letting the best thing in his life get away. “I’m sorry buddy. I know how much you wanted him to help you.”

“Could you call him dad? Please? I know you’re not talking, but maybe he’ll still come! He promised!”

“I’ll try mijo okay? But if he can’t come, you have to do it with Carla, okay?”

Christopher nodded excitedly, getting down from his dad’s lap. “Promise! But he’ll come! He’s my Buck!” He said confidently.

“Alright. Let’s get you going for school. Can’t have you be late!” Eddie stood up to walk out but paused when Christopher stopped in front of him, squinting as he looked up.

“Dad, have you apologized to Buck yet?”

Eddie smiled sadly, brushing Christopher’s hair back one more time. “No, not yet superman. But I’m gonna try okay? I promise.”

Once Christopher and Carla were out the door and on their way to school, Eddie pulled out his phone. He hesitated slightly before tapping on Buck’s contact and calling, being sent straight to voicemail as he expected. “Look I know you don’t want to see me or talk to me and I fully deserve that. But…Chris’s science project is due tomorrow and he wants you to help with it. I’m on shift until tomorrow morning so I won’t be here. Would you come over? Please? I know this isn’t the apology you deserve, and I swear I’m not using Chris to bribe you. He…we…just really miss our Buck. You can text Carla if you can make it, so you don’t have to talk to me okay? I love you.”

He ended the call before he could say anything he’d regret and hustled out the door to get to his shift, already dreading the cold shoulder he’d be getting from most of his team. It was well-deserved, but it made each shift feel like years, and the isolation, with the exception of calls, made Eddie feel like he was going to crawl out of his skin. Halfway through this particularly miserable 24-hour shift, after getting caught in some unexpected rain, Eddie’s phone beeped with a message from Buck. There were no words, only a selfie of the two of them posing with the now completed volcano. Eddie felt a smile break over his face, and he quickly saved the picture before sending Buck back a ‘thank you’ and a handful of hearts.

\------

Two weeks later, Eddie pulled up to Buck’s Starbuck’s, nervously smoothing down his shirt and picking up the flowers he got Buck, before getting out his truck. He was half-sure that this would backfire, that Buck would refuse to talk to him in person, but Eddie had to try. He finally had worked out how to apologize, he just needed to show Buck that he was still in this, that he still wanted what they had.

He walked in the blissfully almost empty café, and immediately located Buck, with his back to the counter talking to Grace. Eddie gulped one last time, before walking up, making eye contact with Grace who nudged Buck.

“Hi, how can I – Eddie?” The shift from Buck’s customer service voice to the shock in his voice at seeing Eddie would have ordinarily been funny, but the hurt that appeared on Buck’s face after seeing Eddie took any humor about the situation away.

Eddie cleared his throat nervously. “Hi Buck. Can we talk really quick?”

“I –” 

“You know Buck,” Grace started, looking between the two of them. “Since you took that extra shift yesterday, why don’t you go ahead and take an extra 10 today? And it’s so nice out, you could probably even take it outside.” She sent Eddie a wink as she said this, smiling when Buck turned to look at her.

“Are you sure?” Buck asked, his eyes darting between her and Eddie. “I don’t have to.”

“Nonsense! We’re not busy!” Grace assured, shooing him from around the counter and towards Eddie. “Go on!” She prodded as the pair stood there. “Go talk.”

Buck gave a sharp nod before walking out the door, Eddie following him at a slight distance until they had rounded the corner of the building. “I can’t believe you showed up at my work Eddie!” Buck whisper-shouted, looking over his shoulder to make sure they were still alone. “That is not okay! You’re lucky my manager let me come outside!”

“I’m sorry!” Eddie said quickly. “I know you’re mad, and you fully deserve to be. About everything. But I want to…I need to explain everything to you.”

“Eddie, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. We clearly didn’t work out and I don’t know what talking would do.”

“Maybe it’s not a good idea.” Eddie conceded, acknowledging Buck’s point. “But I’m not giving up on us okay? I’m not. I know I hurt you, and I acted like a real asshole but I’m willing to put in the work and I want to make it up to you. Let me take you to dinner.” At Buck’s visible hesitation, Eddie took a tiny step forward, his face softening. “ _Please_ mi amor.”

Buck nodded, his eyes darting to meet Eddie’s before landing on the sidewalk. “Okay.”

“Really?” Eddie asked, a bright, hopeful smile blooming on his face.

“Don’t make me regret it.” Buck warned, his own lips tugging into a slight smile at the obvious joy Eddie was exuding.

“I won’t!” Eddie promised. “I swear! When –”

“I’ll text you.” They stood there staring at each other for a minute before Buck jerked his hand back towards the building. “I gotta go. Back to work.”

“Oh, yeah!” Eddie said, nodding. “Of course. Oh um – I got these for you.” He gently handed Buck the bouquet of sunflowers, making sure not to touch the other man and break the slight truce that had formed. “They’re your favorite.”

Buck looked down at the flowers in awe, bringing them up to his face to smell, even though they rarely held a scent. “No one’s ever gotten me flowers before.”

“Well, I’ll have to start doing it more.” Eddie replied softly, smiling gently at Buck.

“Yeah. Um. Okay. I gotta – work.”

“Okay.” Eddie agreed. “Will you text me?”

Buck looked down at the flowers again and then back up at Eddie, nodding quickly before turning around and hurrying inside, ignoring the way his heart wanted to leap into Eddie’s arms instead.

\------

A week later, they were finally meeting up, having agreed on a day where they both had the next day off in case the results of the date were particularly disastrous (or particularly good, which both men were hoping for). They arrived at the restaurant separately a stark change to their usual date routine. As Buck pulled up, he couldn’t help but notice Eddie already waiting for him, carrying more flowers.

“This is the place we had our first date.” Buck blurted out as he got out of his Jeep, making his way towards the Latino man.

Eddie blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought it was appropriate. New beginnings and all that jazz.” Buck felt himself melt a little at that, his will to not forgive Eddie already weakening. “Oh, here these are for you!” Eddie said, handing Buck a bouquet of pink roses, blue hyacinths and white orchids, all bundled together with baby’s breath.

“They’re gorgeous.” Buck breathed out, smelling them before sending Eddie a shy smile. “Thank you.”

Eddie sent him a quick wink. “It’s the least you deserve.” He insisted, before gesturing to the restaurant. “Shall we?”

Buck nodded and the pair walked into the restaurant, Eddie making sure to open the door for Buck. They were immediately greeted and brought to the same table as their first date. “Did you arrange that?”

“Maybe.” Eddie shrugged before clearing his throat. “Do you want some wine?”

“No.” Buck answered. “I want to be clear headed for this.”

Eddie nodded, sending Buck a nervous smile. “Do you want to get down to it, or…?”

Buck sighed, playing with his own menu. “You’re running the show here Eddie. You tell me.”

“I want – you should have a say. What do you want?”

Buck remained silent for a minute, his mind racing. There were so many things he wanted answers to, how was he supposed to pick which one he wanted to ask first? He finally settled on the picture that had been sent to him. “Who was that woman?”

“My wife.”

Buck felt his eyes bug out of his head, sending Eddie an incredulous look. “Your _what_?”

“We’re separated. After I got back from my second tour, she left to go take care of her mom, and then never came back to Texas. After waiting so long, Chris and I moved here for a fresh start. It never occurred to me that she’d know we were here but…” Eddie sighed, raking his hands through his hair. “She showed up and at first she just wanted to see Christopher. But I didn’t…I don’t trust her with him. Maybe it’s selfish but…anyways. Then she started saying that we could be a family again and appearing out of nowhere to accost me and demand we get back together.” He looked at Buck, gauging his reaction so far, before sending him a half-smile. “She was really unhappy that you fit so seamlessly into our lives…like you were the missing piece we were waiting for. That day she came to work for the first time. I finally told her that I was filing for a divorce and she told me if I filed papers, that she’d sue for custody.”

“ _Eddie_. She can’t –”

“I know.” Eddie agreed. “I mean she could. We weren’t properly divorced or even legally separated, so there was never a custody agreement. You know as well as I do that the courts tend to side with the mother on these kinds of issues.”

Buck made a panicked noise, protests spilling out of his mouth before he could think straight. “Eddie, she left Chris! Does he even remember her? You wouldn’t really let her take him, would you?”

“No! No, definitely not!” Eddie assured the blonde man, aching to reach across the table and hold his hand. “That day, when she threatened that, I was paralyzed with fear. And she saw the opportunity to kiss me, and she took it. Physical intimacy was never the problem between us.” He cleared his throat, taking a sip of water. “I, obviously, didn’t think that someone would be taking a picture, but I should have told you. About everything.”

Buck drew in on himself, shrinking at the wait of this knowledge. “Why didn’t you?” He whispered; eyes firmly fixed on the table.  
“I was scared. And I thought I could protect you if you didn’t know, and that you had enough to deal with. Everything made sense at the time, but now it seems so _maldito_ stupid of me not to tell you. If I had, well…” He sent Buck a look before sighing. “I just wish I had handled everything differently.”

“So where are you at with her now? I mean, what has she done?” Buck asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. “I mean, if you don’t mind telling me.” He added hastily, bouncing his leg nervously under the table.

“Of course, I don’t mind.” Eddie said gently. “Since everything with us…I haven’t done much. I want to file papers, but I need to make sure I have a legal leg to stand on, just in case she tries anything. Although honestly, she hasn’t popped up at all since our fight.”

“Wait.” Buck said slowly, looking at Eddie intently. “Is she – is she trying to ruin your life because I’m in it? Is she – will she try and hurt Christopher because of me? Should we even be doing this?” Eddie tried to interject at that, but Buck steamrolled over it, working himself up at the thought of Christopher being hurt at his expense. “I gotta – we can’t do this. That little boy is too important to have his life ruined all because of me, okay? I – I love you both too much to make you go through that.”

“You still love me?” Eddie asked, awe filling his features.

“Eddie, that’s not the point! I –”

“Buck!” Eddie nearly yelled, causing Buck to stop short. “Breathe! It’s going to be fine!”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right. I don’t. I don’t know what Shannon’s planning. It could be anything. She could’ve gone back to New York by now. But what I do know, is that if you and I are together, with Christopher, that we’d be able to get through anything. Even a lawsuit.”  
Buck hesitated for a moment, before pulling out his phone. “Athena probably knows someone who can help. I can text or call her, and we can get started.”

“Cariño, let’s do that tomorrow. You’re right that Athena can probably help, and we probably shouldn’t put it off much longer, but tonight is about the two of us. Because, I need to know where we’re at. If you forgive me. If we’re even still together. Which, for the record, I hope we are.”

“You haven’t actually apologized yet.” Buck pointed out, smiling slightly at the man across from him.

Eddie blinked in confusion like he had forgotten that fact. “Oh.” He took a large breath before continuing on. “Well I _am_ sorry. For not validating your feelings, for hiding everything with Shannon. I’m sorry for saying hurtful things, and for not listening when you were upset. I’m sorry for the million things I’ve could have done differently, even beyond Shannon and our fight.”

Buck tried to fight back his smile at the earnest expression on Eddie’s face, at the nervous fidgeting he gave the longer Buck didn’t speak. He probably still shouldn’t be, but he was so in love with the man across from him. “ _If_ I were to forgive you, what would change? How would we do this differently?”

Eddie sat forward, hope shining in his eyes. “What do _you_ want to be different?”

“If this is going to work, you’re going to have to actually trust me and let me in. About Christopher, Shannon your parents – everything. Even if you’re just having a bad day.”

“I will.” Eddie swore, his hands fidgeting where the rested on the table.

“I don’t know if you haven’t because you think I’m some dumb kid, but I’m _not_ Eddie. I’ve dealt with stuff a lot of people haven’t and I’ve survived.”

“I know Buck.” Eddie confirmed, smiling at the man across from him. “You are so smart cariño and so talented, and you’re right, I haven’t been 100% open and honest with you. That’s all my fault…I just…I haven’t been able to rely on a lot of people in my life. I don’t have a good track record with people putting up with me except for Christopher, and let’s be honest he’s stuck with me.” Eddie gave a small deprecating laugh. “I know I’m not easy Buck. But I should have never made you feel as if you weren’t good enough for me. There is no doubt in my mind that you are out of my league, that you are way too good for me. And the way you interact with Christopher, and you fit into our little family…Buck you’re it for me. Even if you don’t take me back, even if you don’t think you can forgive me, I know without a doubt, that you are the love of my life. And no one, especially my ex-wife, will ever compare to you.”

“Eddie.” Buck breathed out, looking slightly shocked at the other man’s speech. “That’s – you’re sure?”

“One hundred percent mi amor.”

“Oh.” Buck uttered softly, sitting back in his chair.

“And I know you mentioned that I just make all the decision without talking about it, and I’m going to try and be better at that. Especially when they involve Christopher.”

Buck remained silent, staring at the other man. “Eddie.”

“Oh, and the reason I waited so long to try and talk to you after Chris’s science project was because I knew that I needed to work on my problems. They’re obviously not fixed yet,” He laughed slightly, shaking his head. “Far from it. But I started seeing this therapist, Frank, and we’ve only had two sessions, but I think it’ll be good. Because I want to be better for you Evan. I do.”

Buck continued staring, trying to think of something to say other than the Latino man’s name, but that’s all that seemed to come out of his mouth. “Eddie.”

Eddie’s smile dimmed slightly, as he cocked his head at the blonde man. “It’s freaking me out a little that all you can say is my name. Is everything okay? Did I not – I can –”

“Eddie, shut up and kiss me!” Buck finally burst out, eyes widening before fixing on Eddie in challenge.

Eddie tripped over himself getting out of the chair, and hurried to Buck, cradling his face in his hands like he was something precious, before kissing him. Then kissing him again and again and again, because he had missed Buck so much that he had to make up for all the time they had lost.

“Are you gentlemen – oh.” Their waitress stopped short at the sight of her customer’s locked in a kiss before she turned back around. “I’ll come back in a minute.”

\-----

“There’s another thing,” Eddie added as the pair walked along the beach after dinner, holding hands and stopping every few feet to kiss. “You don’t have to, obviously it’s your choice.” He sighed, rolling his eyes at himself and starting over. “Chris and I have missed you so much. In fact, he’ll probably get mad at me asking you when he’s not here but…”

Buck felt his heart stop as his eyes widened. Was Eddie proposing after they had just forgiven each other? Was he expected to say yes? He loved the other man, but he wasn’t sure if this time around would even work, and marriage was a huge step. “Eddie –”

“We want you to move in with us.”

Buck felt the breath whoosh out of him in a relieved breath. “Oh my god! I thought you were going to ask me to marry you!”

“What? No! Not that I wouldn’t – unless you want?” Eddie stammered, clearly unprepared for the way the conversation had gone and not wanting to offend his partner.

“No!” Buck hurried to say. “I know what you mean, but we just made up. Getting engaged is a bit fast even for me.”

“Right.” Eddie agreed, stopping to grab buck’s other hand. “But moving in?”

“Eddie, I don’t know. Don’t you think it’s awfully fast?”

“I don’t think so.” Eddie protested. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can just give you a key…I just, I know you said that you felt like you didn’t belong at the Grant-Nash house, which I can assure you isn’t true but…both Christopher and I want you there all the time. For lazy Saturday mornings and when there’s a mad dash to get out the door in time. For all the holidays and birthdays and every day in between. We’re pretty selfish that way.”

Buck made a noise in protest, blushing at Eddie’s words. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asked, a blinding smile lighting up his face. “You mean it?”

“Yeah. Maybe not right away. But soon.” Buck agreed happily. “So, no take backs Diaz.”

“You got it Buckley. I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Okay.” Buck said, looking delighted as Eddie drew closer.

“Okay.” Eddie whispered before sealing their lips together, completely content to stand on this beach forever, kissing his gorgeous boyfriend. 


End file.
